Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can
click here to find
the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
|
2. where
injured go
5. jobs around home
6. a long foot race
7. bodily exercises
8. non-moving
10. unlike any other
11. try out for role
|
1.
a racket sport
3. stands out
4. one with experience
9. certify as genuine |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
1. a fact-giving film
5. from varied sources
9. responsibility for
|
2.
via electricity
3. rules that limit
4. a group on a mission
6. merge diverse ideas
7. Jewish leader
8. contamination
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Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
studies nature
4. vibrations in accord
6. exploring caverns
7. move with seasons
9. musical text
10. a single performer
|
2.
supportive music
3. awards for playing
5. percussion played
8. many small hills
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From
Book Reviews
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
bad-tempered
7. flat-topped hill
9. a bill to pay
10. not acceptable
11. react to stimulus
|
2. pay close attention to
3. unverified story
4. mouth organ
5. hard to find
6. trouble making
8. seeming not serious
|
Jokes
A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. "Are
you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already
have all the staff we need." "Good," she said. "Then would you
mind getting someone to wait on me?"
More grammar "rules"
A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
Never contradict yourself always.
You should never use the second person.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
When dangling, watch your participles.
Don't use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
Avoid any anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliteration.
Things your mom would never say
How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.
Just leave the lights on…it makes the house look more cheery.
Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it's good for another week.
Go ahead and keep that stray dog. I'll be glad to feed it
and take it for walks every day.
Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.
The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. I'm not running
a prison around here.
I don't have a tissue with me. Just use your sleeve.
Don't wear a jacket this morning. The wind-chill is bound to
improve.
Things your dad would never say
Well how 'bout that? I'm lost. Looks like we'll have to stop
and ask directions.
You know, Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready
for non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
Your mother and I are going to be away for awhile. You might
consider throwing a party.
No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an
earring. Now, quit your bellyaching and let's get to the mall.
Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money
for you to spend.
You forgot Father's Day? Ah - don't worry about that - it's
no big deal!
Our usual knock, knock sign-off
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dee Wilson.
Dee Wilson who?
Dee Wilson the bus go round and round!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Icon.
Icon who?
Icon tell you another knock, knock joke if you want!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Disk.
Disk who?
Disk is a recorded message, leave your name and number
after the beep!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dismay.
Dismay who?
Dismay be a joke but it didn't make me laugh!
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