Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
"You
won. The tortoise tested positive for steroids."
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(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can
click here to find
the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
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3. end
of journey
4. up for election
5. a display, showing
7. regular pattern
8. cost guesses
10. the main team
11. incomparable
|
1.
eating place
2. church members
6. make a turn
9. regular beat |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
1. a specific view
4. outward appearance
8. train station
9. non-existing status
10. not frivolous
|
1.
state in other way
2. in remembrance
3. showing of respect
4. daily activity log
5. the last train car
6. a place of safety
7. harmful, dangerous
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Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
competitor
3. serves mankind
4. personal signature
5. getting into shape
6. comforting drink
7. military rank
8. graveyards
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2.
charitable giver
5. a dreaded disease |
Rhymes
with August
| Across |
Down |
|
2.
bread's coating
7. to believe in
10. to not believe
12. required
13. small particles
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1. griped
3. covers wet metal
4. push forward, stab
5. statue of head only
6. tied up
8. uncombed, unkempt
9. fair treatment
11. sudden wind
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Silly riddles to start off
What do you use to cut the ocean?
A sea-saw!
Why can't two elephants go swimming?
Because they only have one
pair of trunks!
Why can't the skeleton eat liver?
He doesn't have the stomach
for it!
What was the turtle doing on the highway?
About a mile an hour!
What has bread on one side and is afraid of everything?
A chicken sandwich!
What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth?
Stuck!
What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf?
As fur as you can get!
What do you do when an elephant steps on your toe?
Call a toe truck!
Where do trains get together?
At a track meet!
What kind of shoes can you make from bananas?
Slippers!
Why did the dog want shade?
Because he didn't want to be
a hot dog!
Why did Janie bring lip stick and eye shadow to school?
She had a make-up exam!
First graders' answers when asked to complete common sayings
People in glass houses shouldn't … run around naked.
Better to be safe than … punch a fifth grader.
Don't bite the hand that … looks dirty.
Strike while the … bug is close.
You can't teach an old dog … math.
An idle mind is … the best way to relax.
A penny saved is … not much.
If at first you don't succeed … get new batteries.
You get out of something what you … see pictured on the
box.
More bumper stickers (You know I love 'em)
My other bumper sticker is funny.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
If you can read this, I've lost my camping trailer.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
Get your own bumper sticker and quit staring at mine.
I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.
What hair color do they put on the license of bald men?
Can a teacher give a homeless kid homework?
Santa Claus had the right idea: Visit people only once a year.
And we bow out with our usual knock knocks
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference at all!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stew.
Stew who?
Stew early to go to bed!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lionel.
Lionel who?
Lionel get you nowhere, it's better to tell the truth!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I have my key!
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