Puzzle #2

Across	Down
7. afternoon show 8. saves resources 9. assume a role	1. observes plays 2. resolving issues 3. final, indisputable 4. study of apes 5. try out for part 6. pleasing, positive

Puzzle #3

Across	Down
4. for baggage delivery 7. plans for future 9. stands out 10. projected growth	1. plans buildings 2. races separated 3. news writing 5. measure land 6. plots course 8. massive flooding

February Items Puzzle

Across	Down
7. start going up 8. start getting longer 9. sign of engagement 10. Civil War president	1. promotes cards/candy 2. shortest month 3. a favored gift 4. when you care enough 5. served at parties 6. first president

A few miscellaneous jokes for openers

What do workers do in clock factories?
      They make faces all day!

Why did the computer get glasses?
     To improve its website!

Why did the computer sneeze?
      It had a virus!

What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer?
      A machine that has a bark worse than its byte!

Policeman: One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.
Zoo Keeper: That's nonsense! None of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!

What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
      About 3000 miles!

Why are spiders like tops?
      Because they're always spinning!

 

A few book titles

Fallen Underwear
      by Lucy Lastic

Home Construction
      by Bill Jerome Home

Why Cars Stop
      by M. T. Tank

Mountain Climbing
      by Andover Hand

No!
      by Kurt Reply

Look Younger
      by Faye Slift

 

Writing Tips (not serious, of course)

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Remember to never split an infinitive.

4. Contractions aren't necessary.

5. One should never generalize.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

8. The passive voice is to be avoided.

9. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

10. Don't never use a double negative.

 

Strange, but true (or don't take my word for it)

The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and our ears keep on growing.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

"Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt."

The longest one syllable word in English is "screeched."

 

And, of course, we have to end with knock knocks

Knock knock.
      Who's there?
Canoe.
      Canoe who?
Canoe come out and play?

 

Knock Knock.
      Who's there?
Roach.
      Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did you get it?

 

Knock knock.
      Who's there?
Thistle.
      Thistle who?
Thistle have to hold you until dinner's ready!