Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
"Hibernate?
I decided to migrate this year."
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(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can
click here to find
the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
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1. lead
newsperson
3. degree of importance
4. draws pictures
7. top performer
8. parts, segments
9. earn right to play
10. ancestral history
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2.
loss of interest
5. tiredness
6. build, excite |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
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1. coordinated activity
4. light wooden hammer
5. paid for activity
8. spoken by one
10. from past, valued
11. one in early stages
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2.
usual, expected
3. a first performance
4. types of movements
6. a running for office
7. created story
9. disorder
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Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
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2.
moves at fast pace
5. a classification
6. a make over, change
7. janitors, cleaners
8. where records kept
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1.
act of opposing
2. science of aircraft
3. connections between
4. with good judgment
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From
Book Reviews
| Across |
Down |
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1.
risk taking
3. injure, destroy
6. dismissed from job
9. gathered together
10. a passed down story
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1. great surprise
2. part of Britain
4. a small house
5. animal haven
7. take advantage of
8. groups of workers
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Jokes (At least some of them are funny, we hope)
Riddles (a few to begin with)
What can you ask anybody at any time and get different answers?
What time is it?
Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Because they have scales!
Why did the spider buy a computer?
To surf the web!
Where does a one-legged waitress work?
I-hop!
Why are waiters so good at tennis?
Because they know how to serve!
What do you call a skinny little horse?
A boney pony!
What animal needs oiling?
A mouse, because it squeaks!
What do you call fly without wings?
A walk!
More grammar "rules"
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Don't use question marks inappropriately?
Don't be terse.
Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliteration.
Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
When dangling, watch your participle.
Signs found in mom's kitchen
So this isn't Home Sweet Home …Adjust!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!
Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, DO IT YOURSELF!
I clean house every other day. This is the other day.
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!
My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines!
Word Play (forgive us if we used some of these before)
A backward poet writes inverse.
A bicycle can't stand because it's two-tired.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seem a mall.
More Book Titles (Sorry, I just can't stop myself)
You're So Sweet
By Mabel Syrup
You're Kidding
By Shirley U. Jest
Without Warning
By Oliver Sudden
Winning the Race
By Vic Tree
When Cars Stop
By M. T. Tank
The Humor Book
By Lotta Jokes
Where to Put Your Money
By Bill Fold
Weepy Movie
By Maud Lyn Story
Trial Law
By Tess Termoni
Things to do at Parties
By Bob Frapples
Knock Knock Finale (at last!)
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Llama.
Llama who?
Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy…!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Pasture.
Pasture who?
Pasture bedtime, isn't it?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Otto.
Otto who?
Otto remember, but I can't!
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