Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
"So
the fish were biting, eh?"
|
(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can click
here to find the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
|
1. asked
to participate
4. represents a nation
7. study of humans
9. not real or actual
10. supervises behavior
|
2.
carries a passenger
3. two-way involvement
5. self-acting
6. graduated students
8. to mix in a group |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
5. to show how
7. a working together
8. cut apart
9. tests, measurements
|
1.
intricate
2. uses single numbers
3. energy providing
4. form of energy
6. a feeling
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Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
2.
introductory session
5. a gizmo
9. population features
11. one who guides
|
1.
parts combines
3. employees, workers
4. early job experience
6. kitchen, laundry use
7. get rid of
8. out-of-date
10. prayer beads |
Book
Review Terms
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
camel-like animal
3. deadly snow slide
8. lover of numbers
9. of high interest
10. group of musicians
|
2. those in power
4. loving, tender
5. anti-slavery person
6. commits crimes
7. has unusual features |
Bad Puns (But at least they're short)
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Sign on a clothing store: Come in and have a fit!
Some people are wise, and some, otherwise.
Computer-related bumper stickers
Home is where you hang your @.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
Windows will never cease.
A chat has nine lives.
Know what to expect before you connect.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to
use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
What boots up must come down.
There's no place like http://www.home.com.
Pentium wise; paper and pencil foolish.
Some more oxymorons
| Almost exactly |
Pretty ugly |
| Alone together |
Tight slacks |
| Childproof |
Diet ice cream |
| Taped live |
Working vacation |
| Extinct life |
Necessary evil |
| Plastic glasses |
Microsoft works |
| Political science |
Clearly misunderstood |
A few of our usual riddles
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because the kids have to play
inside!
When is a basketball player like a baby?
When he dribbles!
What is the difference between one yard and one yard?
Usually a fence!
Why do fish have such large phone bills?
Because when they get on a
line, they can't get off!
What did one flea say to the other flea?
Shall we walk or take the dog?
And we end with our usual knock, knocks
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice get any better?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dots.
Dots who?
Dots for me to know and you to find out!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is stuck and it won't open!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream when I've heard too many knock knock jokes!
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