Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
"Hibernate?
I decided to migrate this year."
|
(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can click
here to find the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
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1. a
continuing order
4. offer to serve
5. keeping in repair
6. art of dance design
7. three-sided figure
8. schemers
9. make like new again
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2.
working together
3. measurements |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
2. melded together
4. list of goods
6. battling, clashing
9. try out for role
10. a jokester
11. unusual, unmatched
|
1.
surroundings
3. to state clearly
5. enlarge, extend
7. used to make a copy
8. a group of singers
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Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
barrier, obstruction
7. sweet-smelling plant
8. dwelling of ice
9. totally made-up
11. fit together
12. an individual's view
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2.
course of study
3. intent to popularize
4. make widely known
5. a long race
6. a section or piece
10. enthusiastic |
March
Connections
| Across |
Down |
|
2.
getting shorter
5. glad to see gone
6. soar with the winds
11. Ireland's patron
12. Julius Caesar's woe
13. color to wear
14. hoped-for ending
|
1.
coats to sweaters
3. three-part leaf
4. getting longer
7. begins this month
8. longed-for-week
9. an even better month
10. usual beginning |
Some riddles to start with
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny!
What tools do you need in math class?
Multi-Pliers!
What's the best way to keep food bills down?
Use a paperweight?
Who has the most fun when you tickle a mule?
He may enjoy it but you'll
get a bigger kick out of it!
What do you call a country where all the cars are pink?
A pink carnation!
What mostly do you not hear in school?
The letter H!
What did the zero say to eight?
Nice belt!
What's the best material for kites?
Fly paper!
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
Nothing, it just shuts up!
Things you don't want to hear during surgery
Bo Bo, come back with that! Bad dog!
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Oops! Has anyone ever survived 500 ml of the stuff before?
Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration
off!
What's this doing here?
Are you sure it wasn't this leg?
Don't worry; I think it is sharp enough!
Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?
Fire! Fire! Everyone get out!
Funny signs (Do they really mean what they say?)
In a restaurant:
Customers who consider
out waitresses uncivil ought to see our manager.
At a restaurant gas station:
Eat here and get gas.
In long-operating dry cleaners:
Thirty-eight years on the
same spot.
In a jewelry store:
Ears pierced while you
wait.
In the window of a general store:
Why go elsewhere to be
cheated, when you can shop here?
In a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited
from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On school grounds:
No trespassing without
permission.
In front of a funeral home:
Drive carefully. We'll
wait.
Along a freeway:
Fine for littering.
Signs found in kitchens (Share these with your mom)
Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
If you write in the dust on furniture, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week. Too bad you missed it!
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out!
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines!
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the
impression he just cleaned the whole house!
And, as usual, we end with knock, knocks
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is closed, that's why I knocked!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Thermos.
Thermos who?
Thermos be a better way!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Congo.
Congo who?
Congo out cause I'm grounded!
Knock. Knock.
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad joke!
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