Jokes (some funny, maybe some not so funny)

What can you serve but never eat?
     A volleyball!

What goes up when the rain comes down?
     An umbrella!

Why did Gump put a clock under his desk?
     Because he wanted to work overtime!

Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
     Because it makes you break out!

What did the hamburger name his daughter?
     Patty!

What did one germ say to another?
     Stay away, I think I've got penicillin!

What do you do with a blue whale?
     Try to cheer him up!

What do you give a dog with a fever?
     Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Why did the picture go to jail?
     Because it was framed!

Why is a spider good at baseball?
     Because it catches flies!

Why do bees have sticky hair?
     Because they have honeycombs!

How do you catch a squirrel?
     Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

What do you call a yo yo that doesn't come back up?
     A yo!

What was wrong with the cleaning lady's computer?
     It didn't do windows!

 

Bumper Stickers (as if the riddles weren't enough!)

Give me ambiguity or give me something else

There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't

My school colors were clear

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers

Hermits have no peer pressure

What's the number for 911?

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread

He who hesitates is probably right

 

Knock Knocks (for the big finish!)

Knock, knock.
     Who's there?
Honeycomb.
     Honeycomb who?
Honeycomb your hair!

Knock, knock.
     Who's there?
Theodore.
     Theodore who?
Theodore is shut, please open it!

Knock, knock.
     Who's there?
Annetta.
     Annetta who?
Annetta wisecrack and you're out of here!

Knock, knock.
     Who's there?
Armageddon.
     Armageddon who?
Armageddon out of here right away!

 

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