Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can click
here to find the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
|
1. newspaper
business
3.speaks in two languages
5. one who receives
7. widespread
9. on the bad side
10. different, unlike
|
2.
portraying the past
4. long ago
6. fancy cooking
8. one-on-one teacher |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
3. next generations
4. in fixed position
5. accumulated writings
8. give up the game
9. for storing dead
10. plan of attack
11. easily broken
|
1.
point of view
2. winning position
6. pretend, not real
7. hunting expedition
|
Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
3.
viewers of a play
8. job is to make easy
9. money taken in
10. life occupation
|
1.
a news reporter
2. hard to convince
3. try out for a part
4. a food preparer
5. alternated positions
6. a group of actors
7. join together |
May
Connections
| Across |
Down |
|
1.
say, pay, ray
6. turned off
7. dance around in May
9. almost over
10. month after
12. needs cutting
14. grow shorter
|
2. day for remembering
3. brought by showers
4. foliage on trees
5. month before
6. caused by spring
8. can be put away
11. grow longer
13. needs conditioning |
Jokes (If you think you can do better, click on "Your
Turn" and send 'em to us!)
What's the hardest part about skydiving?
The ground!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb
has to really want to change!
What did the dentist say to the computer?
You have a severe megabyte!
Why did Hector go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a
date!
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mt. Rushmore!
What should you do if you think you are dying?
Go into the living room and
eat Lifesavers!
What's H2O4?
Drinking!
What do you get when you cross a grandma and an octopus?
I don't know but it sure can
play Bingo!
What do you get when you add 13 hospital patients and 13 more
hospital patients?
Twenty-sicks!
Why died Cyclops stop teaching school?
Because he had only one pupil!
What two days of the week start with the letter "t"?
Today and tomorrow!
What are a teacher's three favorite words?
June, July, and August!
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?
Smarty pants!
Why did the crook take a bath before robbing the bank?
Because he wanted to make a
clean getaway!
A sign outside a barber's shop said: COME IN TOMORROW AND
GET A FREE HAIRCUT. George saw the sign and went back the next
day to get his haircut. "Can't you read?" said the barber. "It
says come in tomorrow!"
What happened when a kid ate a roll of film?
The doctor told him nothing
serious would develop.
Why did the boy become a baker?
Because he kneaded the dough!
Why did the parents name their daughter "Sugar"?
Because she was so refined!
Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?
To the dump, to the dump, to
the dump, to the dump, dump, dump, dump!
Why do we say "amen" in church instead of "awomen"?
Because we sing hymns and not
hers!
What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to perform
his own operation?
All right, suture self!
How do you know watermelons really have water in them?
Because they're planted in
the spring!
Now, for the knock, knocks
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita nother minute to think it over!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
Goliath down, you look sleepy!
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