Fun
& Games
From "Outside Jokes" book
of wildlife cartoons
(Copyright: Betty C. Grace)
|
The
day before Opening Day
|
Opening
Day
|
|
(Reprinted by permission
of artist)
Editor's Note:
Copies of the "Outside Jokes" book are on
sale through:
The Nature Shop, Missouri Department of Conservation
P.O. Box 180, Jefferson City, MO 65102-018
or call toll free: 887-521-8632
Crossword
Puzzles
When you have completed the puzzles, you can
click here to find
the answers!
Puzzle
#1
| Across |
Down |
|
2. fast-paced
learning
6. picture of someone
7. a special skill
9. extremely dry spells
|
1.
doctor for children
3. found in leaves
4. bone specialization
5. a tree specialist
8. untrue stories |
Puzzle #2
| Across |
Down |
|
3. ease of movement
5. unusually beautiful
8. cares for people
9. to give up something
10. placed in order
|
1.
course of study
2. another option
4. life stories
6. three part race
7. a scene or event
|
Puzzle
#3
| Across |
Down |
|
3.
in same time frame
4. keeping focus
7. evidence of guilt
8. inspires agreement
9. will occur in time
|
1.
unfair, illegal
2. one who walks
5. thinking in groups
6. from foreign country
|
From
Book Reviews
| Across |
Down |
|
3.
youthful criminal
6. works various jobs
7. always together
9. uninhabited, remote
10. vacant, unused
|
1. personality
2. another option
4. has high intellect
5. germ caused sore
6. comical, laughable
8. troublesome activity
|
Puns (a few to keep you verbally aware)
Doctors tell us there are seven million people who are overweight.
These of course are only round figures.
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder
and made a spectacle of himself?
There were two ships. One had red paint, while one had blue
paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
Last winter I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I phoned
her to ask, "Did you get my drift?"
Where do you find giant snails? You look at the ends of giants'
fingers.
Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? It's because there
are nomads there.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A guy walked into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables. The
bartender said, "You can come in but don't start anything!"
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Which president is least guilty? Lincoln. He's in a cent.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work?
I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly
wouldn't have paid for me!
Crazy questions (Have you ever wondered…?)
If humans evolved from monkeys and apes, why are they still
here?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie, do they still show it?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can you cry underwater?
When the French swear, do they say pardon my English?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair
on your head?
Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale?
If you have only one eye, are you winking or blinking?
Book titles (You know I love these!)
All Alone
By Saul E. Terry
April Fool
By Sue Prize
Archery
By Beau N. Arrow
Almost Missed the Bus
Justin Time
Artificial Clothing
By Polly Ester
Battle Axes
By Tom A. Hawk
Boy Scout's Handbook
By Casey Needzit
Chest Pain
By I. Coffalot
Come on In!
By Doris Open
Crocodile Dundee
By Ali Gator
Knock knocks (Our usual ending)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Illegal.
Illegal who?
Illegal stay in the nest until he feels better!
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Scott.
Scott who?
Scott nothing to do with you!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice be the last knock, knock joke?
|
